Saturday, July 4, 2009

Adventures in Thoughts

July 4, 2009
Yesterday, marks my one year of trials, hardships, and road that I thought I would never take. I gained 50 pounds in one year. I quit my job, for the sake of going to a school. The school is in Warm Springs, GA. I thought my life was going to pick up. But, a big But....I was tested for the school to see where I where I was at in my education. Turns out, I was way behind. Go figures!! So, I had to attend this school in Warm Springs. While I was waiting my life turned upside down!! My mental state went crazy!! I went crazy!! All because, I thought I was stupid and I thought I deserved the wrost in life. I thought I could never ever achieve my dreams. Then, I starting hating myself. I thought, I was mentally crazy. To the point, that I was becoming crazy. are what you think you are. I was no fun to be around. I hated life. I slept all day and night. I wouldn't eat for weeks at a time. I was in bad shape!!

I thought my life was over. I asked God to take my life every night. I would make deals and tell God to kill me and give my family the freedom of peace. I did a lot of things that year.
I'm not sure how I came out of my dark prison. I'm thankful I did. I'm thankful that God saw me through it. That He has given me mercy and grace for all the nasty and sinful thoughts, actions towards Him and myself.
As, I hear the fireworks going on outside...I think freedom has so many gifts and blessings. One of them I'm thankful for tonight is my life and everything God is teaching me. Everyone has a story, everyone has pain's and regrets. All that matters is how you climb out of the dark hole.

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